#Wexit: white exodus from East Ham commences

A BBC documentary, which will air today, has exposed a huge exodus of white people from East Ham. The phenomenon – dubbed “Wexit” or “Wexodus” locally – has already resulted in the injury of two people, when a car on Rancliffe Road was hit by a tree, which had blown over in a twitterstorm.

Earlier today, #EastHam, #Wexit and #Wexodus were trending on twitter, as the issue caused a heated debate. Newham is the most diverse borough in the UK, and the BBC reports that this is driving out the white working classes. Some resorted to having a reasonable discussion, whilst others made sweeping statements which made no sense, and appeared to have confused people from different ethnicities and cultures with high density, low quality housing.

Peter Bell, the secretary at East Ham Working Men’s Club, told the MailOnline that Newham had become a “slum” and that Muslims don’t “want to be part of the traditions here”. However, only hours after making this statement, his respect for tradition was called in to question when it emerged he was allowing women to enter the working men’s club.

But it appears that Wexit is only the beginning. Whilst the white working classes may be fleeing now, experts say they have detected a new phenomenon which may mean East Ham will cease to exist altogether. Sandy Balls, a senior civil servant in the Home Office, said the government’s statisticians have found the early warning signs that ethnic minorities are scrambling to escape an influx of white middle-class hipsters – or indeed, hipsters of any colour – in a phenomenon which has been dubbed “BMExit”. Should this happen, East Ham is likely to be annexed, as was Stoke Newington in 2014, and become part of Greater Shoreditch.

Regardless of what the future holds, we can all agree that change is always bad, no matter what variety it comes in. In the meantime, Sir Robin, Prince of Wales and Mayor of Newham, has appealed to everyone to stop dubbing the migration phenomena with vaguely racist names and to try to get on with each other, before going on to say something offensive about Gypsies and Travellers.

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