Daily East Ham weather service, from the Hammer HQ weather station.
* Due to funding irregularities, East Ham’s weather has been discontinued. The East Hammer apologies for any inconvenience *
22 October 2015
Weather reading taken: 07:30am
Summary: nice. If you’re visiting East Ham, there’s a chance you’ll be told you “brought the weather with you”. But it’ll get crap again in the afternoon and you won’t be welcome anymore.
Overall weather quotient: falling from infinity, but still high and unapologetic.
21 October 2015
Weather reading taken: 17:45pm
Summary: a localised depression will leave everyone moving in or out of East Ham feeling sad. The Met Office advises against all but essential travel.
Precipitation: updrafts will whip tears in to the air, causing anthropogenic drizzle to form by late afternoon.
Overall weather quotient: tending towards infinity, following a spate of quotient denominator theft.
20 October 2015
Weather reading taken: 17:00pm
Summary: strong winds from the Green Way will give the air a faint whiff of excrement. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but a welcome relief gardeners after all the calm weather.
Precipitation: occasional showers, but likely to become lost, leaving dry conditions at ground-level.
Overall weather quotient: much more tangible after yesterday, at around a 1.5, which is normal for this time of year.
19 October 2015
Weather reading taken: 17:30pm
Summary: stiff clouds are venting most of the weather northwards to Manor Park, leaving calm conditions over East Ham. Not a day for flying kites.
Precipitation: as above.
Overall weather quotient: vacuum-like conditions have rendered the weather impervious to measurement. Quotient will be updated tomorrow.
18 October 2015
Weather reading taken: 8:30am
Summary: mainly cloudy, occasionally giving way to cracks of blue, which will give the sky the appearance of being old and relaxed.
Precipitation: patchy vertical showers.
Overall weather quotient: strong, reaching highs of 2.2.
17 October 2015
Weather reading taken: 10:40am
Summary: looks a little like someone “up there” got lazy and copy and pasted yesterday’s weather. Feels like it might be a bit windier though.
Overall weather quotient: lacks variety and imagination. Really disappointing.
16 October 2015
Overall weather quotient: grey, verging on white.